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Short Funny Quotes and Sayings

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious
Alan Minter
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I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.
George Best
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Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.
Ian Rush
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Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
Mark Twain
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Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Phillips
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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Jennifer Unlimited
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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
Gilbert Chesterton
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Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we”.
Mark Twain
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Life is rather like a can of sardines: we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain
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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
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Remember as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.
Homer Simpson
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There are terrible temptations which it requires strength and courage to yield to.
Oscar Wilde
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Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
Mark Twain
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
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Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.
Wendy Wasserstein
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The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.
Samuel Butler
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The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before.
Gilbert Chesterton