Scotsman McTavish, a Scotsman, went to a ski resort. He told the instructor, “I want to learn to ski on one leg.” “Certainly sir, but why?” “I’ll only need to hire one ski.”
Archive for the ‘Jokes in English’ Category
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Worms
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
Worms It was the first day of Biology for a group of teenagers. The professor had arranged a short demonstration for the class. He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The worm wriggled about in the water. Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of [...]
What’s 3 x 2?
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
What’s 3 x 2? A little boy returned home from school and told his father that he had failed the maths test. His father asked him, “Why did you fail?” The boy replied, “The teacher asked me ‘How much is 3 x 2?’ and I said ’3 x 2 is 6′.” “Well, that’s right” said [...]
Two Balloons (present tense version)
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
Two Balloons (present tense version) Two balloons are floating across the desert. One balloon says to the other: “Look out for the cactussssssssssss!”
Two Balloons (past tense version)
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
Two Balloons (past tense version) Two balloons were floating across the desert. One balloon said to the other: “Look out for the cactussssssssssss!”
Turkey
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
Turkey A woman walks into a butcher’s shop just before closing time and asks, “Do you have any turkey?” The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs three kilogrammes. The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, “Do you have [...]
Don’t generalize
Posted by admin on October 15th, 2010
Don’t generalize In a school in the States, the teacher had just described Christopher Columbus’ discovery of America. “Just imagine, children, if he had not risked the ocean, you would not be here today. Wasn’t he marvellous?” All the children cheered, except one. “Aren’t you pleased young fellow?” “No miss.” “Why?” “I’m an Indian.”
The old lady
Posted by admin on September 2nd, 2010
The old lady A policeman stops an elderly lady on the road for speeding: Lady: Is there a problem officer? Policeman: Madam, you were driving too fast! L: OH, I see. P: Can I see your driver’s license? L: Well, I don’t have one. P: You don’t!? L: Yeah, I lost it for drunk driving [...]
The monster
Posted by admin on September 2nd, 2010
The monster A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, “Daddy, there’s a monster in your bedroom.” “There’s a what?” “A monster. And he’s hidden in mummy’s wardrobe.” So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried [...]
Supermarket
Posted by admin on September 2nd, 2010
Supermarket A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The supermarket manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake, and then gave him a brush, saying “Welcome to Smith’s Supermarkets. Here is a brush – your first job is to sweep the floor.” The young man looked amazed [...]
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